Eigentlich ein alter alter Hut - tausendemale durchs Feuilleton und Talkshows gejagt - heutzutage mitnichten eine Provokation oder sonstirgendwas und jetzt auch noch im EU-Parlament ... aber vielleicht kennt´s ja doch noch nicht jede(r)?
Auszug: Angry Vagina
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5uIn...eature=related
MY VAGINA'S ANGRY !
IT IS !
IT'S PISSED OFF !
MY VAGINA IS FURIOUS.
AND IT NEEDS TO TALK.
IT NEEDS TO TALK ABOUT ALL THIS SHIT
AND IT NEEDS TO TALK TO YOU
I MEAN, WHAT IS THE DEAL ?
AN ARMY OF PEOPLE OUT THERE THINKING UP WAYS
TO TORTURE MY POOR-ASS , GENTLE, LOVING VAGINA.
SPENDING THEIR DAYS CONSTRUCTING PSYCHO PRODUCTS.
AND NASTY IDEAS TO UNDERMINE MY PUSSY
VAGINA MOTHERFUCKERS !
ALL THIS SHIT THEY'RE CONSTANTLY TRYING TO SHOVE UP US.
SHOVE UP US, STUFF US UP, AND MAKE US GO AWAY.
WELL, MY VAGINA'S NOT GOING AWAY
IT'S PISSED OFF AND IT'S STAYING RIGHT HERE.
IS THERE ANYTHING YOUR VAGINA'S EVER BEEN ANGRY AT ?
HMM.
EVER BEEN ANGRY AT ?
YES, AGAIN IT ALL HAS TO DO WITH THE...
INVASIVENESS ASPECT,
WHEN IT'S NOT READY.
WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN, UM...
WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN NURTURED.
LET'S JUST BEGIN WITH TAMPONS.
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
A DRY WAD OF FUCKING COTTON STUFFED UP THERE.
WHY CAN'T THEY FIND A WAY
TO SUBTLY LUBRICATE THE TAMPON ?
AS SOON AS MY VAGINA SEES IT, IT GOES INTO SHOCK !
IT CLOSES UP.
IT SAYS, "FORGET IT."
YOU HAVE TO WORK WITH THE VAGINA,
INTRODUCE IT TO THINGS
PREPARE THE WAY.
THAT'S WHAT FOREPLAY'S ALL ABOUT.
YOU'VE GOT TO CONVINCE MY VAGINA,
SEDUCE MY VAGINA,
ENGAGE MY VAGINA'S TRUST.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
WITH A DRY WAD OF FUCKING COTTON
YOU PROBABLY DON'T REMEMBER, BUT THEY USED TO HAVE, UH,
ELASTIC BELTS WITH LITTLE HOOKS AND THEY HANDED YOU A PAD
THAT WAS LIKE THICK ENOUGH
FOR BARBIE TO USE AS A RAFT, YOU KNOW ?
IT WAS LIKE GIGANTIC.
I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS,
AFTER I'D STARTED MY PERIOD,
SPENDING A SUMMER TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
HOW TO PUT A TAMPON IN.
AND I REMEMBER SORT OF SQUATTING OVER A MIRROR,
FOR DAYS AND DAYS AND DAYS TRYING TO FIND THE WAY IN.
STOP SHOVING THINGS UP ME !
STOP SHOVING AND STOP CLEANING IT UP.
MY VAGINA DOESN'T NEED TO BE CLEANED UP.
IT SMELLS GOOD ALREADY
DON'T TRY TO DECORATE.
DON'T BELIEVE HIM WHEN HE TELLS YOU
IT SMELLS LIKE ROSE PETALS,
WHEN IT'S SUPPOSED TO SMELL LIKE PUSSY.
THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE DOING, YOU KNOW, TRYING TO CLEAN IT UP,
MAKE IT SMELL LIKE A BATHROOM SPRAY OR A GARDEN.
ALL THOSE DOUCHE SPRAYS.
FLORAL, BERRY, RAIN.
I DON'T WANT MY PUSSY TO SMELL LIKE RAIN !
ALL CLEANED UP LIKE WASHING A FIS H AFTER YOU'VE COOKED IT
I WANNA TASTE THE FISH !
THAT'S WHY I ORDERED IT !
YOU HEARD THE JOKE ABOUT "GOOD EVENING, LADIES" ?
NO.
OH, WELL, IT'S A JOKE THAT GOES,
"A BLIND MAN PASSED THE FISH MARKET,
AND HE SAYS, "GOOD EVENING, LADIES !"
MY FIANCE SAYS IT'S LIKE POTPOURRI AND ROSES.
THAT'S SICK.
THAT'S LIKE DOUCHING WITH LIKE...
FABRIC FRESH OR GLAD OR WHATEVER.
THE THING YOU GET LIKE ALL FREAKED OUT,
BECAUSE THERE' S ALL THESE WARNINGS,
ABOUT THE ODOR, AND THEN THE ODOR SHOWS UP,
AND YOU'RE LIKE, OH, MY GOD, WHAT'S GOING ON ?
AND THEN YOU REALIZE IT'S NORMAL.
THEN THERE'S THOSE EXAMS.
WHO THOUGHT UP THOSE EXAMS ?
I KNOW THERE HAS TO BE A BETTER WAY.
WHY THE SCARY PAPER DRESS THAT SCRATCHES YOUR TITS ?
WHY THE FUNKY RUBBER GLOVES?
WHY THE FLASHLIGHT ALL UP THERE,
LIKE NANCY DREW WORKING AGAINST GRAVITY ?
WHY THE NAZI STEEL STIRRUPS ?
WHY THE MEAN, COLD DUCK LIPS THEY SHOVE INSIDE YOU ?
WHAT IS THAT ?
MY VAGINA IS FURIOUS ABOUT THESE VISITS.
IT GETS DEFENDED WEEKS IN ADVANCE,
IT WON'T GO OU T OF THE HOUSE.
THEN YOU GET THERE,
DON'T YOU LOVE THAT ?
"RELAX YOUR VAGINA
RELAX, COME ON, SCOOT DOWN, SCOOT DOWN, RELAX YOUR VAGINA."
WHY ?
MY VAGINA'S NOT STUPID.
YOU'RE ABOUT TO SHOVE MEAN , COLD DUCK LIPS UP INSIDE IT !
IT'S JUST HORRIBLE.
FIRST THING, THE ROOM IS ALWAYS VERY COLD.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE SITTING THERE,
SPREADING YOUR LEGS, IT'S JUST HORRIBLE.
WHAT THEY CALL A SPECULUM, OR WHATEVER THAT THING IS ?
I CAN'T STAND IT,
EVEN WHEN THAT LITTLE BRUSH THING FOR THE PA P SMEAR GOES IN THERE,
IT MAKES ME CRINGE.
AND THEY'RE LIKE, "OH, DOES THIS HURT WHEN I SQUEEZE HERE ?"
WELL, YEAH.
YOU'RE SQUEEZING MY VAGINA, IT'S NOT A COMFORTABLE FEELING.
WHY CAN'T THEY FIND SOME NICE, DELICIOUS PURPLE VELVET
AND WRAP IT AROUND ME,
LAY ME DOWN IN SOM E FEATHERY COTTON SPREAD,
PUT ON SOME FRIENDLY PINK OR BLUE GLOVES,
AND REST MY FEET IN SOME FUR-COVERED STIRRUPS ?
WARM UP THE DUCK LIPS !
WORK WITH MY VAGINA !
BUT NO, MORE TORTURES!
DRY WAD OF FUCKING COTTON,
COLD DUCK LIPS,
THONG UNDERWEAR !
THAT SHIT IS THE WORST.
IT IS THE WORST.
IT MOVES AROUN D ALL THE TIME.
IT GETS STUCK IN THE BACK OF YOUR VAGINA,
REAL CRUSTY BUTT.
THE VAGINA IS SUPPOSED TO BE LOOSE AND WIDE,
NOT HELD TOGETHER.
THAT'S WHY GIRDLES ARE SO BAD.
WE NEED TO MOVE
AND SPREAD AND TALK.
VAGINAS NEED TO TALK.
WHY DON'T THEY MAK E SOMETHING COMFORTABLE,
SOMETHING TO GIVE THEM PLEASURE?
OF COURSE THEY WON'T DO THAT.
THEY HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE
TO SEE A WOMAN HAVING PLEASURE.
PARTICULARLY SEXUAL PLEASURE.
I SAY, MAKE A NICE PAI R OF WHITE COTTON UNDERPANTS
WITH A FRENCH TICKLER BUILT IN.
THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT.
WOMEN WOULD BE COMING ALL DAY.
COMING IN THE SUPERMARKETS.
"GIVE ME THE JUICE."
THEY WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO STAND IT.
SEEING ALL THESE ENERGIZED, NOT-TAKING-SHIT,
HOT, HAPPY VAGINAS COMING DOWN THE STREET.
IF MY VAGINA COULD TALK...
IT WOULD TALK ABOU T ITSELF LIKE ME.
IT WOULD TALK ABOU T OTHER FABULOUS VAGINAS.
IT WOULD DO VAGINA IMPRESSIONS.
IT WOULD WEAR HARRY WINSTON DIAMONDS,
NO CLOTHING.
JUST THERE, ALL DRAPED IN THE DIAMONDS.
MY VAGINA HELPED RELEASE A GIANT BABY.
IT THOUGHT IT WOULD BE DOING MORE OF THAT.
IT'S NOT.
NOW IT WANTS TO TRAVEL.
IT DOES NOT WANT A LOT OF COMPANY.
IT WANTS TO READ AND KNOW THINGS AND GET OUT MORE.
IT WANTS SEX.
IT LOVES SEX.
IT WANTS TO GO DEEPER.
IT'S HUNGRY FOR DEPTH.
IT WANTS KINDNESS.
IT WANTS CHANGE.
IT WANTS SILENCE AND FREEDOM
AND GENTLE KISSES AND WARM LIQUIDS
AND DEEP TOUCH.
IT WANTS CHOCOLATE.
IT WANTS TO SCREAM.
IT WANTS TO STOP BEING ANGRY !
IT WANTS TO COME.
IT WANTS TO WANT.
IT WANTS.
MY VAGINA, IT WANTS,
IT WANTS EVERYTHING.